Dante's Divine comedy. And some.

Yes, yes. the classical tale of heaven, hell and purgatory, but with a KloSamFlynn twist in Asia. Sweeeet.

Well, Jakarta was fine. Lovely. Had a Manchester United restaurant and I got my nose pierced. Lovely.

Then we landed in Purgatory. More affectionately known as Singapore. To those in the know, 'The Inn Crowd'. The coolest little hostel to grace this side of the hemisphere. Free Internet, dvd player, breakfast included and a lovely dorm full of lovely people...rearing to get on the lash. It was like coming home. And that is what it became. We successfully managed to squander 5 great travelling days doing precisely nothing (yes, that is when all those photos bombarded facebook). Lush. Sami and I even bought stilettos for the occasions of boozy times. Vodka in the dorm (illicitly, of course) and then minimal dollar spendage once out and about. And the bars were amazing. There was the reputable 'Clinic' which sported bar staff in nurse and doctor uniforms, and...wait for it...wait for it.....wheel chairs for, well, chairs!!! I got a wicked handbrake turn down on the old bugger, only to be told by a somewhat ruffled doorman, "the chair is not for fun." What?? A gold air sprayed chair with wheels not for fun?! haha. I wheeled off into the clinical horizon (and then was caught and ejected from said non-fun chair). But this is not all...our dear Sami indeed live up to her name of 'Sami the Saviour' by being the bearer of FREE STUFF! Basically, got into this club for free, chatted to the owner (of 1/3 of the bar) and gt free champers, vodka and vino for the rest of the night! Sami, we salute ya!! Flash packers are us!
Once we finally managed to tear ourselves from our lovely abode in Singapore (quite reluctantly, it must be said), it was to Kuala Lumpa, the capital of Malaysia for us. Again, a lovely city with some striking towers, but we'd seen enough of cities, so we moved on pretty sharpish. It also appeared to have a strange effect on our Sami. She decided to bless us with a lovely breakfast - of frosties and strawberry milk (surprisingly, she didn't find it went down that well). Sami moment.

Hell.
Well, not really. Mostly for Sami. And Teresa (lovely Hong Kong girl that joined us). For now we we in Taman Negara. The oldest rain forest in Asia. Claiming to possess elephants and tigers...but we found leeches and ants the size of your thumb. Lush. We decided to laugh in the face of organised fun (mainly cos it cost a blinkin' wedge) and so, Klo, Sami, Duke (dutch chappie) and Teresa (as above) and I caught a boat up into the rain forest and began our own trek, complete with vague map and vague notions of what jungle might be like. We eventually arrived at our hide (big hut on stilts) after being soaked by what is obviously the reason for the name, 'rainforest' (which was particularly unfortunate for Chloe, as she didn't have a water-proof. She didn't have her blanket in a plastic bag. But her main concern was keeping her sandwich dry. Excellent priorities). And that night....whilst rats tap-danced on the roof of the hide and tiger roared (nope, both Klo and I mistook the rumbling roar of the hide whilst people walked about to be a tiger. Oh dear.), we saw an ant eater come out into the open and munch - official name being Tapir. COOL. And saw fireflies buzzing about. The sound of the jungle too...blinkin' cool.


The next day, we battled through thick vegetation, I ripped my trousers to the crotch, 5 mintues after proclaiming the at her 1 Pound Indonesian trainers were the best investment ever, Klo found that they had actually disintegrated and that her sandwich bag wasn't going to keep the leeches out. And there were LOADS of leeches. Got a good picture of a juicy one on my leg. Yummy.

Heaven.
After taking on the trials and tribulations thrown at us by the jungle, we felt that we were in need of a little holiday. Quite right. Tough work this travelling bloody malarkey. So to the Perhantian Islands we went. Long beach - paradise. Crystal clear waters, white sands and cheap accommodation and food. Lush. And the tans had pretty much vanished so a good top up was in order. Then some diving. SO CHEAP! Yes, yes, I managed to actually swim next to a hawks bill turtle and saw a crazy tiger fish, and then on the second dive, all three of us saw a ship wreck! A Vietnamese fishing boat covering in lovely corals, and we saw sea serpents and poisonous rock fish. Uber cool!

But heaven was fleeting, and after only 2 days in paradise, due to a short time schedule, we headed to Kota Baru. Checked out some Malaysian culture, and I tried out Malay drums and top spinning and was enchanted by 'The art of self-defence', whilst Sami and Klo were on their way to Thailand. Yes, we are no longer together. But only for a little while, do not despair. They are off to Kho Pi Pi and since I have already graced those paradise lands (yeah, yeah, showing off), I decided to head west to the island of Langkawi by myself. Terrorised by young children on the bus for 9 hours, I escaped onto the last ferry and arrived at Cenang beach just in time for a much needed glass of Chardonnay and a tuna salad. Lush. Since then I've slept loads on the beach, been awoken by a) the LOUDEST snoring man I've ever heard (my bed shook. Honest). b) drunken lads after the football, and been island hopping around three of the 99 islands around Langkawi. And getting boozy with some lovely peeps ce soir on duty free Voddy. 5 quid for a litre bottle of Smirnoff.

Thank you very much.